Theoclestes The Spartan

Warning: The longest description in Jess history to be had!!!!

And this, my friend, is where Sennakmets real story begins...

And, again, I shall do a very quick recap of The Tetiphar Sennakmet story : Prince Tetiphar, to escape from an arrange marriage, gets his bug buddy Joe the Scarab Beetle, to send him to the future, resulting in leaving his best friend in Egypt and for The Egyptian people to believe that he died. Now, Sennakmet was to marry Tetiphars horribly annoying brother in roughly about three days.

And that, my friends, is where this next fellow comes in. Horribly distraught and miserable and partly mad at Tetiphar for leaving and lying to the Egyptian people who she loves so dearly, Sennakmet sees absolutely no hope for her. Even tho Tetiphar tries to get Senna to come to the future with him to escape HER marriage, Senna wouldn't dare (she was actually surprised that Tet's plan worked in the first place.) leave her people, especially since Egypt was in such a mess in the first place - they were suffering, er, lets say a bit of a recession, droughts were to be had pretty much everywhere. No foreign countries were trading and businesses were failing. Thier army was pathetic and out of shape and could hardly protect themselves against foreign invaders. It was Sennakmets DUTY to her Egyptian people to bring them back to prosperity! However, she knew that under the control of Tet's stupid brother (who, just so you know, doesn't have a name yet, neither does Senna's sister), all that would result would be more crappy, stupid statues of Tet's stupid brother all over the place, parts of Egypt to be renamed to things that reminded Tet's brother of himself, and the rich getting richer while the poor get poorer. And by rich, we mean Tet's brother.

You see, Joe, Tet's scarab beetle buddy brought to him by an alien race (for you see, at this time, aliens and earth were total buddies), neglected to...err...tell Tetiphar...that...there was...one...SLIGHT....side effect from Tetiphar going to the future. In order not to fuck up time - since time travelling greatly alters the future and present (which could result in people never being born, events never happening that were beneficial to the prosperity of mankind, that sorta thing.), Joe...sorta...needed to...have..a...errr...a sacrifice victim. Tetiphar, however, was just so excited to escape his crappy marriage that...Joe says he just never...exactly got the chance to tell Tet.

It is 480 BC, before the Battle of Thermopylae. Young, strong, and bold Theoclestes I is ready FOR THE BATTLE OF HIS LIFE EVAR. He worked long, and hard to kick some major Persian ass. In fact, ever since he was like, 2, he pumped iron, battled lions and tigers and bears OH MY!. Hell, he even ignored girls! He was born a soldier, and he would DIE a soldier! Filled with adrenaline, with a handy spear by his side, Theoclestes was SO SO READY. For, he was one of 301 (yes, 301) to completely kick some serious ass in the most epic battle in history, the Battle of Thermopylae. 301 seriously pumped up, strong, courageous Spartans were seriously prepared. *insert Rocky Eye of the Tiger music here.*

Well, that, of course, was all before Joe decided to sacrifice a Spartan to, err, hopefully, somewhat temporarily replace Tetiphar until everyone forgot all about the whole arranged marriage bit.

Pulled by a gigantic ball of light (which he originally thought was a solar eclipse), Theoclestes was, literally, pulled from the ground where he stood right before the epic battle, in a half war chant (Sorta like this: THIS...IS......woah what the fuck????) pushed sometime in the past, in the middle of a stinkin' hot desert, landing somewhere apparently in the middle of some farmers would-be dried up crops, landing ass first on the ground.

The farmers, who saw this commotion, saw, from a ball of amazingly bright light, this burly, fit figure fall from the sky. Poor, with thier field of crops hardly even trying to prosper, are absolutely astounded. It...it couldn't be! Thier nation, which was epically failing, was visited...BY A SAVIOUR!

Because, dear friends, the burly guy who just fell from the sky in a gigantic ball of light during hard times JUST HAD to be the Sun God, Ra, here to save Egypt! Err, altho, they...didn't quite expect Ra to look so...young. And so...un-Egyptian like, in his leather underwear.

Well, news spread fast across the land, and pretty soon The God Ra, who was really just confused as all hell Theoclestes, was praised, and cheered, and brought to the palace.

"The God Ra?" questions Sennakmet, "RA? But he doesn't VISIT us. He's much to busy to visit us!" She's incredibly speculative, and has a hard time believing that Ra would actually fall from the sky in the middle of some desert because he's going to save Egypt and bring them back to life again.

Well, low and behold, the farmers bring forth Theoclestes, or as the Egyptians know him, Ra, and celebrations are to be had! Err... of course, Tetiphar's parents (who are currently ruling) didn't....expect Ra to be so...young...and so...un Egyptian like in his leather underwear, but he certainly did fit the picture of a God - strong, athletic, half naked. That sort of thing.

"Sennakmet," Tet's parents say, "Behold the Sun God Ra!" He is put into proper apparel (aka something more Egyptiany)

And...well, Senna doesn't buy ANY of it. This...this...burly...handsome...really fit....guy comes trolling into Egypt, thinking he can fool the nation of Egypt who is poor and distraught and easily manipulative becasue they just lost thier beloved Tetiphar, and this...this...GUY is obviously some sort of...invader planning to attack the weakened Egypt with his army of....equally...really burly...really good looking guys! How DARE he!

Now Theoclestes, who really doesn't have any clue whats going on, is also very pissed off because he is MISSING THE EPIC BATTLE OF HIS LIFEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! This is IMPOSSIBLE! He simply cannot miss it!! His testosterone NEEDS THIS! He's been working FOR YEARS for this fight and then...THIS happens!

Well, needless to say, he then took a look at Sennakmet and..all those years of training instead of checkin' out girls caught up to him.

To put it lightly, Sennakmet approached Theoclestes and FREAKED out on him. "Who are you???? WHO ARE YOU REALLY???"

And then, frightened because this really hot girl who is about 100 pounds lighter then he is is screaming at his face with a look of murder in her eye, he tells Senna all about his battle of Thermopylae, and that he is going to miss it, I have no idea whats going on, please help me get back home, a big ball of light stole me, oh my god don't kill me I don't mean any harm!

Confused, Senna then asks, "...Ther....mopy...lae? Sparta? ...Where...is that?" And then he basically replies that its in Greece. "....What year is it for you?" she then asks, "Why," he replies, "It's 480 BC and I'M ABOUT TO GO THROUGH THE EPIC BATTLE OF MY LIFE IF IT WASN'T FOR THAT MEDDLING BALL OF LIGHT!".

And then, bascially, Senna, being the smart princess she is, puts two and two together. THAT BLASTED JOE! She then tells Theoclestes all about her stupid friends plan to go into the future, and that he must be the sacrificial guy, and that this is all Tet's fault, because now she has to marry his stupid, stupid, stupid brother in three days HUMPH!

Anyway, in the meantime, Theoclestes is, well, treated like a God. He's given everything he wants, has fangirls coming out of everywhere, fanned by really hot maids, fed crazy good meals... But he must get back to Sparta and complete his soldiery duty and kicking some Persian ass. But...you see, theres just something about Princess Sennakmet. He just can't stop looking at her, and he can't stop trying to get to know her, even tho she is completely unwilling to get to know him because he's, "a pompous moron tricking her people into thinking he's a God and isn't doing anything about it by denying that he is a God." But really, its not his fault, since he's pretty confused, and he really doesn't know how to get back to Sparta. He also feels sorry for her having to marry someone like her best friends brother.

Well, then, Theoclestes hears about an incoming invasion on Egyptian soil. And then he sees the pathetic army of The Egyptians. They're fat, they're flabby, they have no idea what they are doing with a sword and spear. Their horses are equally fat and flabby, and are scared of battles. Now, being trained from the day he could walk, Theoclestes knows about how to have a good army, and he then decides to whip the army into shape, hoping to atleast get Senna to stop avoiding him and giving him looks of murder. And win some points, I guess.

Well, HOW DARE he come here and tell us how to run our army! How DARE he whip our army into shape! Who does he think he is, coming in here thinking he owns the place!!

Well, it is a day before Senna is to be married, and shes incredibly angry and pissed off and all that jazz. Theoclestes can't stand to see a pretty girl like her so angry, especially over some stupid moron guy. The palace is getting all prepared, and Tet's brother is all incredibly excited. And then, Theoclestes gets...the IDEA of a LIFETIME.

"STOP!" He says, "I, Ra, God...of...Bright Lights, Command that Princess Sennakmet is to be MARRIED TO ME!"

And, well, needless to say, whatever the God says, the God gets. So, now, he thinks that he'll get some bonus points for stopping the marriage (which was his intent - it would halt the situation until they figured out what to do. Or...atleaset he figure out what to do. Since shes not really willing to work with him on the subject.). Well, as you can guarentee, this PISSED OFF Senna even MORE. "HOW DARE YOU USE YOUR FAKE POWER TO STOP MY MARRIAGE TO TET'S STUPID BROTHER!"

Now you can imagine that the Egyptians are just completely pumped up! For thier saviour is to be the King of Egypt and has commanded to be married to thier beloved Sennakmet, and all is going great for Egypt! But, however, Tetiphars brother isn't amused at all. NOT AT ALL.

Well anyway, eventually Senna starts to understand where Theoclestes is coming from and realizes that he really can't help it...and that he really was only trying to help. Egypts military greatly improves, and theres a reknewed hope of her Egyptian people. It's almost as if...things..sorta...became somewhat...better since Theoclestes came around. Eventually, the two try to figure out how to fix everything. Well...they sort of do. They actually start to get to know each other a little bit. Senna listens to Theoclestes stories about his warrior experiences, and asks him how he could live like that, to never experience anything but being a warrior, and to enjoy the simple things in life, like flowers, and cute puppies, and, is even more surprised when she learns that Theoclestes never really focused on things like...love...and other things like that. Meanwhile, Theoclestes thinks that it must be great to be royalty and to be able to command and army, but only learns that Senna thinks it's sad because all she's seen was her poor nation become ruins and that being royalty has its downsides, like....arranged marriages...and not being able to marry someone you love.... (Okay, I'm so sure you all know where this is going. I'M SO SURE.)

Well, eventually, the more time Theoclestes spends with Sennakmet, the less worried he is about fighting Xerxes and his army of Persians... in fact, he sorta likes living in Egypt. And it really isn't even about the fact that everyone thinks he's a God, and that he has zillions of fangirls. He just can't seem to put his finger on it, why he likes being in Egypt so much...... (Okay, seriously, you all know where this is going right?)

He isn't, however, very fond of Senna's pet lioness, Pharah. Not at all. (And she's NOT IN THE LEAST fond of him.)

Well, back in the future *we all ride there in a Delorean*, Joe then confesses to Tetiphar that when he went to the future, that he had to sacrifice someone in order to not completely mess up things, and Joe tells him about Theoclestes, about how everyone thinks he's a God, and that how he declared he was going to marry Sennakmet. TETIPHAR IS NOT AMUSED (tho he can't understand why he's jealous to hear about them becoming closer as friends. God my characters seriously need to get out of Denialville.). And of course, all that jazz like OMG WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS WOULD HAPPEN BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!

However, not all is well in Egypt. Because secretly, Tetiphar's brother, who is so pissed off he can't even think straight, and Sennakmets sister, who is also pissed because she wanted to be leader until "that stupid prick had to die"....have an EVIIIILLLLL plot - to assassinate The God Ra and Princess Sennakmet so that way THEY could be married and rule over Egypt (which wouldn't work out to well, because they are both horribly greedy). MWAH HAHHAHAHHAHHAH! (Altho, its actually a stupid plot, because if Theoclestes was actually a God ...you...couldn't really kill him because he would be immortal. Hence why they come up with really dumb ideas.)

Meanwhile, back in Sparta, after witnessing the horrific event of Theoclestes being taken away by a giant ball of light (which they believe was a god telling them to pull back from the Battle), they have halted the battle after convincing Xerces it would be a good idea after bribing him with a new pair of shiney sandals, until they could figure out where thier 301st Spartan went (because seriously, they can't fight with only 300 Spartans!).

Theoclestes, pronounced Thee-o-clee-STEEZ, is otherwise known as Theo, and actually the idea to have a character like this came a loonnng time ago. I wanted him to be Grecian but I could never get a good story down for him. Then for whatever reason, I had this incredibly goofy idea and off to work my brain went. As you may be able to see, the story behind Theo is sorta a corny parody of The Battle of Thermopylae, and I created him to give Senna a bit more of a story line. I loosely based Theo on that one guy in 300, not Leonidas but...I dunno his name, but he was that younger guy, the son of that guy who died (I seriously don't know any of the guys names in that movie other then Gerard Butlers character, and of course Xerxes and that hunchback guy whose name escapes me at the moment.). Even tho he is a warrior, he is sweet and kind, but he really doesn't know too much about anything else but fighting. (That is, until he met Sennakmet, who helped him experience the nice things in life *insert pathetic Disney cornyness OMG OMG OMG*) Theo's hair is supposed to be longer but I made it too poofy here. Altho, I had a lot of fun with him, and I admit I giggled because I made his underwear so shiney especially in the buldge area XD XD XD I whipped out a few references of Spartans and created his outfit. It was fun to work on him, since I got some male anatomy practice I'm pretty impressed with his spear - for once I actually made it look STRAIGHT instead of it being all over the place and wobbly. I just love how his cape turned out!

AND HOLY CRAP THIS IS PROBABLY THE LONGEST DESCRIPTION IN HISTORY. I'm sorry, there was just a lot of explaining to do, so that you would understand the story a bit more I like how his piccie turned out (I'm also so sure there are so many typos in this its not even funny, but seriously this took me forever to write. XD)

So everyone, meet Theo! (And yes, I know his name rhymes with testes. LOL PENIS! /immaturity ) Anyway, Theo here is © to Jess Ratte